#79: You Are Where You Need to Be
If you feel behind in life or think you should be farther along, this episode is for you because you are where you need to be. Whether you’ve been feeling doubt, uncertainty or worry that you haven’t reached a certain goal yet, when you identify these thought patterns, you’ll be able to shift your thoughts and change your life. You’ll have awareness to the fact that you are where you need to be in this very moment. The more understanding that you have around this, the easier it will be to embrace where you are right now and create from this place.
Reasons Why You May Not Feel That You Are Where You Need to Be
I had a client recently that was talking about that fact that they thought they should be farther along. They thought they should be farther along with their business and should be seeing better results. It reminded me that I have definitely felt that way in the past (so I’m speaking to this from my own life experience too). You may have times where you feel down on yourself or you’re hard on yourself for some reason – we all do! One of the ways that it can show up is by thinking that you should be farther along. You may think that you should have done things differently. You may also wonder about past decisions and think that if you made a different decision, you would be somewhere different. The mind loves to find ways to keep us safe and that is oftentimes in the form of being hard on ourselves in an effort to keep us where we are.
When you recognize these types of thoughts and when you find yourself saying things like you should be farther along, you’ll be able to shift them to more supportive thoughts. These thoughts and habits don't serve you so when you can change them to something else, it will shift your entire world and way of being.
There can be many reasons that you may feel you should be farther along and that you aren’t where you need to be:
If you feel pressure to have a certain outcome
If you feel guilt, sadness, anger or frustration for where you are now
If you're worried about how your decisions will impact other people
This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t feel those things and that you shouldn’t question the impact along the way. It’s important to take the time to sit with yourself and explore more about why you feel that you should be farther along and where that is coming from. If you’re reliving past “mistakes” that you’ve made as a way to regret where you are now, please know that it’s another way to keep you in a cycle of stuck.
How These Thoughts Keep You From Where You Need to Be
Take a moment and ask yourself… How do these thoughts serve you?
They don't. They don't serve you. They keep you stuck in fear. They take you farther away from where you really want to be. They keep you from moving forward. They basically stop you in your tracks.
Anytime that you have thoughts that you need to be somewhere else, it’s important to recognize that this belief is not serving you. Lean into it and consider: Why do you have this thought? What needs to shift in order to be able to move forward?
I truly do believe wherever you are right now, wherever you're reading this, you are exactly where you need to be. All of those other moments have led you to this moment, and this is where you are. You can't change any of that now, so reflecting on it in a way of misery or beating yourself or anything else is not helpful to you. There is something else you can do instead.
Reflecting On Where You Are and Where You Want to Be
We’re going to take it a step further to look at the reflection piece and what you can do moving forward. You can look back at those “mistakes”. You can see them as lessons. Maybe there are things in there that are lessons for you.
I won't get into the details of human design (you can learn about Human Design 101 in this podcast episode or this episode on Parenting and Human Design), but I'm a 3/5 profile in human design. This means that I learn by experimentation and learn by doing in my life.
In this case, I could look back on things in my life and tell myself that all of the times that things didn’t go as planned were mistakes. I could tell myself all the reasons something didn’t work and keep beating myself up about it. I could keep telling myself these things and stay in the mindset of beating myself up. Trust me, I have done that actually. I've done my fair share of that. However, what I'm saying now is that you can really look back on those times and you can see them as mistakes, or you can see them as lessons. You can see them as experiences that put more tools in your toolkit. You can see them as things that you had to learn in order to bring you to your next moment and your next experience. The reflection becomes, can you see how your life has added up to where you are now? Can you come to a peace and understanding with where you are now?
The first half of the battle is recognizing, accepting, and understanding that you can move forward in another way. Think about it this way. If you’re driving a boat, but you're looking backwards, you won’t be able to steer the boat to where you want to go. You have to accept where you’ve been and then look forward in order to steer the boat.
Recognizing your past experiences and coming to peace with them is an important step. You may need therapy or other healing modalities and techniques in order to get to that peace within yourself. There are things you can do to repair things from your past for yourself. It’s not to say that your past doesn’t matter. The point is, that when you come to terms with your past in some way and then allow yourself to move forward, you’ll be able to see that you are exactly where you need to be. You’ll be able to see that you have a choice in every moment.
Choice and Change to Get to Where You Want to Be
When you recognize that you're exactly where you need to be, then you can start evaluating your current options and choices. Identify the things that you have control over – the things that you can change in some way. If you recognize that your boat has been going in one direction, but you want to change to a different direction, then it’s time to steer the boat towards somewhere new.
Ask yourself:
How can I get there?
What can I change about my current situation?
What action can I take?
Remember, your next moment is not fixed. Your next moment is a new choice.
How can you change your trajectory by making a different choice in your next moment? Oftentimes, people want to snap their fingers and get to the next place quickly. I am guilty of this too. Sometimes I think to myself, I just want to get to that other place already. I'm tired of being here. I'm at my wit's end, and it's time to do something different.
Everyone has their tipping point that gets them to take action and shift their path in some way. It’s not about looking at a big milestone that feels out of reach and asking yourself why you aren’t there already. It’s very easy to get caught up in where you want to be – thinking that you should be somewhere else because you’ve already put in time, energy or resources.
That’s what keeps you stuck, because you're looking at that big milestone and seeing how out of reach it is, instead of perhaps looking at all of the small moments and all of the smaller milestones that will add up to you getting there. Telling yourself over and over that you should be there already is not helping you to get there faster. It is helping to keep you stuck where you are. When you understand that you are where you need to be, accept all of the experiences that you've gotten from it (including the “mistakes” and the lessons that you've that you've found from it, you’ll be able to move on.
Then, you’ll be able to identify your new direction and determine the smaller steps that you need to take to get there.
Identify the next steps you need to take and the new habits you need to form.
Have you always wanted to be a writer and write a book, but it feels impossible to find the time? Perhaps you start by carving out 10 minutes a day to write. Can you make a choice to write for 10 minutes a day instead of scroll Instagram? Don’t get me wrong, I scroll Instagram too. No judgment on you for however you’re spending your time!
This is a simple example of something that you can do, but this isn’t a one size fits all approach to this work. Everyone's navigating things differently so take what resonates and leave the rest.
There was a time in my life when as soon as the kids went to bed, TV was my thing, because that just helped me turn off and relax. There are times that it can be supportive to you. If you are in one of those times, that’s ok.
You may be someone that really wants to find those 10 minutes somehow, or is curious enough, or is at your tipping point where you're willing to try something different. If that is the case for you, this is an invitation for you to get up and try something different, to experiment with it, to have fun, to get curious and say, what is it that I really want to do, knowing that taking those little actions is going to go so much farther to getting you to where you want to be than sitting around and waiting for where you want to be to just show up.
The book Atomic Habits by James Clear gives a lot of great pointers related to habits. He explains the background behind habits and how we how we fall into them, as well as how we can also change them.
The point that I really want to get across here is that when you see where you are now, when you understand that all the things have added up for reasons, when you have that acceptance and understanding around it, you can really then direct yourself to where you want to go. That is why you are exactly where you need to be.
And perhaps for you right now, the time has come where you are listening, you are understanding, you are seeing that. You are hearing that in a different way for yourself that will allow you to take your next step to whatever it is that you want to be doing to whatever next job or next bucket list item you desire.
Whatever that thing is that you want to be doing, what is the next small step that you can take to get you there? A big piece of that is understanding that you are exactly where you need to be, so that your mind does not keep coming back and trying to give you all ‘reasons’ to keep you where you are.
In Summary
Remember, you are exactly where you need to be. Really take things one step at a time. Recognize your choice in each moment and keep going. Keep going. I have those two words imprinted in me from one of my mentors. It’s something that she always If you make a mistake, that’s ok. Observe it and keep going in whatever pace and whatever timing that feels good to you. This is a marathon, not a sprint. Be mindful of that for yourself.
If you want support on your journey, I'd be honored to work with you. You can reach out anytime. I offer Human Design readings so that you can learn more about your own energy and how you operate. I also offer Voxer coaching, which is great for people that are on the go and want real time, customized support and guidance. It’s about meeting you where you are right now and what you're going through. You can message me on Voxer (@ maryclavieres) if you’d like to chat or if you have any questions.
I wish you a wonderful rest of your day. Thank you so much for being here and I will see you next week.
OTHER EPISODES YOU MAY ENJOY:
#60: A 7-Step Framework for Living an Aligned Life
#61: Intentions, Energy, and Showing Up When Life Feels Hard with Elizabeth Guilbeault
