#87: Navigating the Holidays, Managing Seasonal Affective Disorder, and Being Therapy Curious with Therapist Jody Smith
As we enter the winter season it’s important to prepare for navigating the holidays. Whether it’s challenging for you to see family members during the holidays or your physical health changes with the change in weather, seasonal affective disorder has an impact on our wellbeing.
I sat down with therapist Jody Smith from Clarity Counseling Network to discuss the impact of the change of seasons on our mental health, how we can get better at navigating the holidays, and managing seasonal affective disorder. Jody shares what it means to be therapy curious and how you can take better care of yourself with practical tools and tips to managing the holiday season and all of the stressors that come with it.
Jody Smith and I are going to talk about what's coming up in in the world, the change in seasons, navigating the holidays that are quickly approaching, and how we get through these types of times and changes and seasons in our lives. I personally am someone that really is a big proponent of therapy and other modalities that can support you with where you are in your life. If you've been following Change from Within for a while, you know that I support therapy, body practices, and a number of different holistic healing modalities too.
One of the parts that goes unnoticed sometimes is related to the change in the season, how it impacts you, how it impacts your mental health, how it impacts the energy of your family. My conversation with Jody is here to support you with whatever's coming up next in your life, whatever's coming up next for you in this holiday season, and what might be on your mind that you need to navigate, whether it's time with relatives or working through your own your own changes, your own personal transformation or family dynamics. We're going to have this conversation to hopefully shed a light for you on places where you can have more support, or see things in a different way that again, feel true to you and who you are and support your life. So I'm really excited to have this conversation and to introduce my friend, Jody. Welcome, Jody.
What it Means to be Therapy Curious
[Jody] I like to think about therapy as an all encompassing plan that shifts over every experience that you've had in life, as well as understanding how the seasons and the season you're in in life will affect what you're feeling and the people around you.
Everything is energy based. So if you're feeling down, the energy around you comes down. If you're feeling positive and happy and renewed, that energy around you uplift. A couple of the things that we look at in therapy are who are you as a person and what things have affected you. Whether it's your childhood, which always comes into play, as much as people would like to argue, childhood impacts who we are, right? And then we reconcile it as we get older, our experiences, our current life stance and where we are. I know with unemployment or stresses, with kids or societal stresses or politics, which we won't go into, really impacts where we are mentally and emotionally.
I have a lot of people who come to me, and yes, some people are here for anxiety, depression, ADHD, those are more some of the more common ones, but some people are simply therapy curious. Therapy curiosity is a term I've started using recently to help people understand you don't have to have something that is presenting to come to therapy. You can just think, hey, I want to talk to someone about some things that are going on or not going on or could be going on that I want some insight from somebody who has won the clinical background. But the neutrality of being able to say, Hey, do. It's okay you're feeling what you're feeling. Let's explore that a little bit more.
[Mary] I shared with you that I started seeing a therapist a few years ago, before we were moving to France. We knew we were going to make this big move, and I knew, selfishly, for personal reasons, that I was going to need support through that, especially if I wanted to show up and support my family the way I wanted to show up and support my family through it too. Of course, and it's proven to be a very, very helpful for me and a foundation for the trajectory of my life. From spending so much of my life not having therapy to now, over these last few years, having it, and I just think it's such a supportive way to have a safe space to discuss the things that you want to discuss without judgment, without feeling like blame and shame. And also, to your point, like it doesn't have to be something that I'm going to see a therapist because something is wrong. It can also be because I want to feel the best I can feel in myself. Part of that is by learning new things, learning new approaches and modalities like cognitive behavioral therapy, and being able to work through and process things differently than just trying to accept everything that comes my way.
Being Proactive Versus Reactive with Therapy and Taking Care of Your Wellbeing
A term I often use any client that I've ever had will tell you is proactive versus reactive. Sometimes we're being proactive in our therapy and sometimes we're being reactive. But the more you're in therapy, the more you think it through, the more you're able to get a grasp on what you're feeling. You're able to be more proactive, which reduces emotional blowback, which a lot of us have a hard time regulating. It's hard to regulate our nervous system when the entire world is stimulating it. So when you can learn, hey, I'm going to be proactive about I don't know anxiety with taking the train. So if I know I'm going to be anxious with taking a train, for example, I know I'm going to have a healthy meal in the morning. I know I'm going to practice meditation. I know I'm going to have a good night's sleep doing things like that and talking them out and having a plan is that's what therapy can simply be about. It doesn't always have to be that deeper feeling of loss or grief or trauma, although that does come into play, because we all have our burdens to bear that we've been through. Sometimes it's that simple of just having somebody to talk through a plan that they have no skin in the game other than making sure you're okay and that you're getting what you need.
Seasonal Affective Disorder and Navigating the Holiday with Family and Loved Ones
[Mary] The holiday season is coming up and people are trying to switch gears now for the next six or eight weeks to move through the holidays, which always feels like a rushed time of year. It can feel stressful depending on your family situation and family dynamics. We see some people maybe only one or two times a year and this is one of those times. What would you say for when someone is entering this season and this time of the year? What are some simple tips or strategies that we can do to reframe our mindset or set us up for success in some way, moving into this energy.
[Jody] There are a few things. Feelings. The first thing I would start with is perspective. I want the perspective start with what feelings of each season, like actual season bring, like, summer, spring, fall and winter. I do recognize, as I'm saying this, some places that are listening might not have all these seasons, but we kind of want to think about that for what it is. We all have an idea of what the seasons are.
Spring is like awakening from the winter. It's clarity, it's I'm renewed, I'm excited, I'm rested from the winter.
Summer tends to be highs and lows where you're busy, but you're running around and doing fun things, and then you're exhausted because you're running around and there's peaks and valleys.
Autumn starts and you're embracing the changing of beliefs, the changing of the weather, the changing of all of these things.
And then the winter, dark, gloomy winter. I like to recreate and start to think about not the winter blues, but a time of hibernation and really treating yourself kindly and giving yourself some of that time to reflect and time to get deeper into that self work.
That self work becomes a little harder when the holidays are around and our stressors increase, which is what we're looking at. If we look at winter naturally, because it's darker majority of the time, our melatonin increases, which makes us tired, which makes us not want to be outside as much, which makes our moods not so great, our energy not so great.
Tips for Managing Seasonal Affective Disorder
That's when we start to see seasonal affective disorder really take its course. On the east coast, where I am, we tend to start to see it. In October, we went from having an 80 degree day to 50 degree days overnight. So I'm seeing a big we're seeing a spike in it. The thing that I start in September with my clients, is we increase our vitamin D. We make it a point to get outside, like I don't care if it's 20 degrees outside, put on a coat, get in the sunlight. It will change your life to do that.
The other thing is adapting a good exercise routine. Exercise will give you serotonin. It releases endorphins. These very, very simple things will have such a large impact on your life without realizing it, because when it's cold and we're not energetic, we don't want to go outside, we don't want to do these things.
But what you'll find is, if you get into that pattern, it:
increases your serotonin, which naturally will decrease stress
it'll also just make you feel more motivated to do things like family and holiday dinners, where that stress is naturally increased because there's so much stimulation around you.
Some other things I recommend is limiting your exposure to social media and those dopamine hits, because that dopamine is taking away from the healthy dopamine that you can feel by connecting with other people. Okay, our goal is to say, if I connect with other people, how do I feel? Sometimes it's stressful when it's somebody who you're like, oh, this family member is a little difficult, but a majority of the time, if you're filling 80% of that time with people who fill your cup, you're going to feel good about it. Those are some small tips and understanding where the perspective is coming from.
I also often tell my clients, it's just the season. It's not the rest of your life that you're living like this, because if it was, you would simply be in survival mode, and we would have to shift to something else, which isn't really going to help you. If you say during the holidays, this is just the season, we take that perspective, we lead up with a plan, exercise, healthy food, sometimes limiting alcohol, which for people who drink versus don't drink, limiting alcohol, making sure you're getting outside and choosing wisely your activities that you're doing versus doing everything.
Because I could say, probably only great thing that came out of covid was being able to pick and choose what activities we decided to do. Because prior to that, many people were like, well, I have to go from this family from 12 to four, then this family from five to seven, then we have to go do this from eight to 11. You are in control of your time, right? We forget, as individuals, as adults, we are in control of our time. If you're making that decision, make the decision that's going to work for you. Within reason, I realize that people might not have as much flexibility with these obligations.
Some things you can consider:
Do you need to show up at 9am for that dinner or can you go at 1pm and take some time for yourself in the morning?
Can you go for a run with your partner?
Can you do something with your kids? Can you meditate?
Can you go to get a massage before you go?
It's really thinking about what works well for you and going into the holidays with a plan.
In my house, we've adapted the rule of one thing a weekend, where it's you have one thing that you can pick that you're doing, and then we keep a whole day free, and if you want to do something during that day, we'll plan it, but we really focus on having the freedom to do the things you want to do, and not over scheduling. Because what I find is when people over schedule, your anxiety is going to be off the charts. Your stress is off the chart. So dealing with the holidays when you're over, scheduling yourself is a big no no, because it's not going to help you. Yeah,
[Mary] That's something that I took from covid too, was really not having a packed schedule anymore, like it's not worth it, and you couldn't do that during covid. It's something that definitely stayed is to pick the one thing prioritize. And actually, I have to say, I think in France, they do a little bit of a better job at that, because also, when people go out, or when they go to have a dinner or something, they're committed for the evening. You wouldn't have time to go do two things, because that's not how they do it. So it's like, and if I'm going to go to this dinner that's going to last for hours and hours and hours, then in the morning, I'm not going to also plan something, because I need to be in a good place and renew my energy. I definitely relate to that on many levels. The crowding, the schedule versus not, and the taking care of the things. I love that all the things you shared are back to basics. Let's do things to take care of ourselves, because if you don't take care of yourself, no one else is going to take care of you for you.
Building a Foundation and Taking Care of Yourself
[Jody] There's a foundation. So I often tell my clients and like, if they're when they if they listen to this, they're going to laugh, because they're going like, Now, that sounds like Jody, but if you don't have a foundation, you can't build the house. So your foundation is you. You have to be in a good place. So if you're burning yourself out if you're not eating properly, if you're not exercising, if you're not prioritizing your mental health, you're going to have a house that falls down. It's made of straw. It's not going to work. But if you are putting yourself in a position where you're like, it's okay for me to take time for myself.
I realize if you have young kids, if you have a very busy career, that's hard, yeah, but you're only going to maintain those things and get the best quality of life if you learn how to do this, and that's why it's such a skill, and that's when you're therapy curious, being proactive about it. You know, yes, the holidays are a known stressor, but you're going have stressors that come with every season, like spending time with people in the summer, right? You want to do it all, but it's packed within two or three months. How do you prioritize? How do you reduce your stress? I see people who by the end of the summer, they're so burnt out they can't do anything until December, and then school starts with this starts, and everybody's just like, I can't do anything.
That's what I always go back to proactive versus reactive. It's okay that you're doing both. It's okay that both happen. But you always want to have a little more energy on the proactive side and also measuring what your energy are. If I'm at a social energy level of a one out of a 10, honestly, I'm going to be like, I can't do that tonight. I'm sorry. And sometimes I'll say, Okay, I'm going to push myself, and it rejuvenates me.
You have to kind of think about where you are. So often as individuals, we forget to think about, where am I, what am I feeling? What's going on around me? And if you think about the micro, the macro and the mezzo. The mezzo is like everything going on in the world. The macro is your family, your work, everything else. And then your micro is you if you need to make sure that you are in the right place to do basically anything. So even a stressor like the holidays, you can control that stressor by setting clear boundaries for yourself once you can gage what you're feeling and what you want out of it.
[Mary] That's something I would say that took me time, and for people that might feel uncomfortable with that, it takes time to get used to putting yourself first. As moms, it takes used to putting yourself first. It takes time to get used to it. And there's just so many layers. As a recovering people pleaser, it takes time,
[Jody] Remember first it's hard. I mean, I have people who I've been seeing for years that sometimes they'll relapse into people pleasing, and we're like, Okay, well, what led to this? And every single time it was I was burnt out and I didn't have the energy to put myself first, so I went back to my old behavior? Yeah, every like, I can't tell you a time it didn't happen in that way. When we think about it, it's how do you take care of yourself while navigating the holidays?
Questions you can ask yourself as you prepare to navigate the holiday season:
How do you put what your needs are first?
How do you find balance within everything?
Do you have a plan?
What does your plan look like?
If you know you're going to be tired, you know your parents train you when you go to visit them for whatever reason, or your sister or brother or your cousin or your crazy aunt or uncle, like, what does that look like? Or just maybe having 20 people at a dinner, and what that looks like, being able to say to yourself, This is what I need out of this, and I'm going to get a good night's sleep. I'm going to abstain from alcohol. I'm going to have a really good workout before this. I'm going to have a hard stop when I'm leaving doing those things and going into with a plan will always help, and a therapist can help you with that, because if you don't, then you burn out. You start with Thanksgiving in the States, and then all of a sudden, we're at Valentine's Day. You're like, I'm dying. What is going on? I'm so tired. Give yourself some grace. Be kind to yourself. Be aware of what your needs are, and learn that there's nothing wrong with putting your needs first, because if you are not okay, no one around you is going to be okay.
That's why we think about, what are our support systems? What are our friendships, socializing with people we love, spending time with people we care about. And, you know, just recognizing we have this journey. We're all on this journey together, but we're also all on it separately. So what do you want that to do, and how do you want that to align?
[Mary] Oh, I love that. Yeah, we're on the journey together and separately. That's such a good summary, because I feel like it's always there's so many aspects to life and all of these things in, say, personal development or growth, or, you know, trying to live more in alignment that are there's really the two ends of the spectrum, and then there's the in between, and like, finding the balance Between all of it. So it's like, how do you how do you care for yourself while also caring for others?
Appreciating the Small Moments with Gratitude and Recognizing that Nothing Lasts Forever
[Jody] Life is always going to evolve, right? If we can look at everything as a season, everything as a time, everything as, hey, this isn't going to be forever, and that's okay. You can then work around that plan and reverse engineer it to make it so it fits your life, but you have to be okay with recognizing that. So often people don't want to recognize that this change is scary. It's uncomfortable, but the more we develop resiliency of change, the stronger we become emotionally and emotional regulation is the key to success in life.
[Mary] Well, let me just say that. And as someone that talks about change a lot and is generally obsessed with it, change and transitions, I've had this situation and this issue come up for myself where I speak about things as if it lasts for forever, and my therapist reminds me that it's not for forever, but that's where the brain goes, right? The brain plays tricks on you sometimes. That's how I tell my daughters about it. Our brains sometimes play tricks on us because they want to keep us safe. And for me, that's one of the ways it plays a trick on me, is that I'm trying to act as if this is for the rest of my life, even if logically, I know that it's not.
[Jody] Although you’d think logic and emotion would really align, they don't sometimes. That's what cognitive behavioral therapy does. It takes the emotion and the irrational thought around the emotion, and it aligns it with logic, and then we bridge the gap. Like, that's what therapy is doing. But so often our brains are like, no, no. This is like, I'm going to be in grief forever. I'm going to be sad forever, and it's never a good emotion, like, let's be real. I'm going to be happy forever. No, it's not we're human. It's not how it works, unfortunately. So it takes work to recognize these things and recognize I can feel happy, and maybe tomorrow I'll feel not great. But that doesn't mean that not great feeling is going to be forever. So we're always thinking of raising the level of our baseline of happiness so that it doesn't feel so heavy for having a bad day. And it's okay to have bad days if you don't have bad days, that's a big red flag for me, because that's not realistic,
And so if it's like, I want this Hallmark Christmas, or this, like, perfect Hanukkah, or whatever holiday, it's just not realistic sometimes, and sometimes it will be. There will be moments where it's perfect and it's beautiful, and there will be moments where you're like, I burn the turkey, or, you know, I burn the biscuits, which I do every year, which is why I don't cook anymore. Literally, I've been banned from the kitchen. Like, they're like, get out. You can go set the table and leave us better off. I have a wonderful husband who is a wonderful cook, so I'm very lucky. But it's okay, and it's recognizing those glimmers, the positive moments and everything, which I know is a big phrase right now in media, recognizing the glimmers, recognizing the positive stuff. It doesn't always have to be the red flag that can be, hey, that's a great moment, or that felt really good, or that was a really beautiful sunset, or I went outside and the cool air hit my face and it felt really nice. Small moments make big differences, and they also increase your serotonin and dopamine. So embrace that. It's okay. It doesn't have to be, I won the lottery. It can simply be, hey, I'm feeling really great today about my life, or I'm feeling good about this moment. Yeah, and that perspective really shifts a lot of how we see the seasons and how we see the holidays, because it's realistic and it's obtainable, like, 15 minutes a day outside, it's obtainable if you can't go out 15 minutes of the day, I'm worried about what you're doing during the day. If you can't take 30 minutes to have a meal and enjoy it, or an hour, I'm worried about your day, because what's going on that that's not a possibility. And that's when we rephrase that in therapy.
Sometimes people come in and they're like, I want to feel better in eight weeks. And I'm like, well, you'll feel better simply from coming and having a conversation and make but small changes over a long period of time is sustainable change, and that's just the reality of it. And perspective, I really, I know I'm heavy hitting on this, but perspective really shifts a lot of how we see the world and how we interact and emotionally feel the world around us.
There’s always something. I mean, we do it with our kids, and one day my kids will appreciate it. They're not there yet, but I'll be like, Oh, what was something great that happened today? Like, what's a glimmer of something like that you're grateful for? What was something like with somebody kind to you? And we'll talk about those things, because I think starting that at a young age will help them to recognize it as they get older. Because I can say as a kid myself, that wasn't a normal thing that happened. Like, I'm an 80s, 90s kid, that wasn't a thing that happened. It was like, go do this, handle your stuff, get it done. That's it. Yeah, see you later. Go play. Yeah, go outside. I'll see you later. But it's a different perspective of developing emotional intelligence. It's beautiful journey because I see a lot of adults doing this now, on this dual relationship with their children, of everybody developing emotional intelligence and beautiful and hard and scary and amazing.
How You Do a 2 Minute Check In with Yourself
Take two minutes and just think about what your body is feeling like. Sit still. No noise, no media, no cell phones. Just sit still. What are you physically feeling?
Where are you simply developing that two minute period of awareness of what you're physically feeling and what your nervous system is going through will then help you to say, Oh, I'm feeling a little anxious. Then you can think about why you're feeling anxious, or, Oh, I'm feeling really relaxed today. Why am I feeling relaxed? And I'm not big on overthinking it or over breaking it down, because I don't think that helps us either. But just taking a very short period of time and saying, Oh, I'm anxious. I'm going to go outside for five minutes and get some air, it's going to reset your day, instead of allowing the anxiety to build and build and build, and then all of a sudden you're like, having an anxiety attack, or you can't sleep because you aren't aware of what you're feeling. The simplest task is doing that.
The Five Senses Task
If you want to go a little deeper, I do the five senses task, which is for 30 seconds you engage each of your senses. It's also a great grounding technique if you are anxious. It's 30 seconds of focusing on looking at something, 30 seconds of smelling something, listening to something, tasting something, and feeling something. You just give yourself a little bit of time. It resets your entire nervous system to refocus if you're feeling anxious or you're not feeling okay, but just awareness of what's going on in your body will be your superpower.
Navigating the Holidays, Seasonal Affective Disorder, and Being Therapy Curious Conclusion
Navigating the holidays can be a stressful time for many people. Additional challenges such as seasonal affective disorder can cause extra stress and anxiety. I’m a huge fan of therapy because it can have so many benefits for personal growth.
I love all of the tips and tools that Jody shared including:
Enjoying and paying attention to the small moments
Practicing gratitude
Recognizing that nothing lasts forever – we are always evolving and changing
Checking in with your body for two minutes to see how you’re feeling
A tool that I love that supports the mind body connection is Human Design. If you've been here listening to this podcast for a while, you know that I love Human Design. I am certified in doing Human Design readings. So if you're interested in learning more about you your energetic blueprint, how you best make decisions, and ways that you can manage some of this stress, then I invite you to book a reading. There are different tools that will work better for you based on your design.
Wherever you are in your journey, I'm happy to meet you there. I will be here for whenever you feel ready to take your next step with support. I hope this episode was helpful for you and where you are right now.
If you’d like to connect further about learning how to navigating the holidays based on your unique being and your personal development journey, please feel free to reach out. I'm on LinkedIn and Instagram. I'm also on Voxer at @MaryClavieres.
If you want support with where you are right now, I'd be honored to work with you. You’re invited to check out my Human Design readings so that you can learn more about your own energy and how you operate. This tool is a powerful building block that will allow you to live life with less stress and more peace. From there, you can also learn about Voxer coaching, which is great for people that are on the go and want real time, customized support and guidance. It’s about meeting you where you are right now and what you're going through. You can message me on Voxer (@ maryclavieres) if you’d like to chat or if you have any questions.
Thank you so much for being here. I so appreciate your time and your presence, spending it here with me, and I'll speak to you next week.
Other Episodes You May Enjoy:
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#82: 3 Easy Ways to Love Yourself a Little More Every Day
#80: 3 Life Lessons from a Human Design Projector
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