#77: The Secret to Finding Yourself Again
Finding Yourself Again When You Feel Lost
If you’re looking for the secret to finding yourself again, then you’ve come to the right place. We all feel lost at different points in our lives. Whether you feel lost after becoming a mom, navigating a divorce, or from feeling stuck in a career you don’t want, there are ways to find yourself again.
This article will explore what it means to find yourself again and how you can go about finding your way because it is something that many of us deal with on a day to day basis.
This doesn't have to be a big midlife crisis type of need to find yourself again, although I do feel that that happens for a lot of people. This is about all of the times when we're at points in our lives that we want to change.
In this article you’ll learn what the journey to finding yourself again may look like, how you can navigate it, where you may get stuck as well as tools and resources to support you.
Why You Might Be Searching to Find Yourself Again
There are many reason that people look to find themselves again. You may have a sense of feeling lost or questioning you direction in life. This can look many different ways.
It could be that you’ve realized your kids are running you ragged and you don't have time for yourself anymore. You may question yourself asking, what am I doing here? Who am I? What do I even like to do anymore, because I've been spending so much time giving myself to others.
It could be that you’re reflecting on a career and thinking, What’s my next move? I've been in this spot for a while and I am not creatively fulfilled anymore.
It could be something around having a health scare or going through some other type of health situation and getting into recovery and thinking, all right, what am I? What am I doing now? How am I rebuilding? How am I rebuilding myself? How am I supporting my body, etc.
It could also be that you’re going through a divorce or separation and having to build your life again in a different way.
All of these things are things that people go through all the time, and any one of those types of moments or milestones is a time that can cause reflection.
Finding yourself again is a time where you start to think about who you are, what you want out of your life. Whatever you might be going through now, it might also have you getting curious about who you are and what you really want. Change from Within is really to help you see and feel and hear and understand that you can put yourself first. It is actually highly recommended to put yourself first because it is your life. Also, if you don't create what you want for yourself, you're going to let the decisions with other people create your life for you, and it may not end up the way you want.
It's all about how we move through this process, of course, with relationships and with family and with responsibilities and also how we move through this process for ourselves. If you have found yourself questioning or wondering, Who am I in this phase? What do I really want right now?, then now is a great time to get curious and explore more parts of yourself
When you find yourself at a crossroads of a new milestone or feeling stuck in some way, it can push us into one of those places of looking at: How am I regrouping? How am I starting fresh, and How am I moving forward?
That's what this is all about, and that's what I mean by saying finding yourself again. It can stem from these periods of time or tipping points that you feel in your life where you're going through some type of change.
What You May Do on the Journey to Finding Yourself Again
What I usually see happen with clients and what I am guilty of doing myself, is that we can usually start by looking outside of ourselves. This can be great in some ways, because we may want to gather information to help us decide where we’re going. Part of can include problem solving and looking around to collect data and information to see what's what. This might mean you want to join someone’s online program or you’re looking for other online resources. Change from Within is a resource too, so it’s great that you’re here.
You may want to work with other people and you’re hoping that someone, somewhere, somehow, will show you what to do, and will tell you what to do. I know for me personally, when I have felt at some of my low points, when things have felt very hard and I wasn’t sure how I was going to make it through a certain type of change, sometimes I just really wanted to ask someone, “Can you please figure this out for me? Can you please figure this out and tell me what to do? Because one, I have no more brain capacity to try to figure it out. And two, I don't want to because I'm tired.” Because really, when you're in the middle of change it can be very exhausting.
Pay attention to where you are and how you're really feeling. Recognize that you may look to these different places, you may pull on different resources, and try to figure some things out, which is fantastic. This article will also guide you to the ways that you can look at yourself and the ways that you can look inward and internally, because that is a huge part of the process.
I also want to share some ways that all of this might show up for you. When you are looking to find yourself, when you feel lost, when something feels like it’s missing or not clicking, or when things feel like they aren’t in alignment, it can really show up in in a lot of different ways.
Ways that Your Mind Can Get in the Way of Finding Yourself Again and Keep You Stuck Where You Are
There are endless ways that the mind can play tricks on us and make us believe that we should be somewhere else or should be doing something else. I want to share just a few of them to give you ideas of places in your life where you may get curious, or you may find that you are going through something similar and it really resonates.
This can serve as another guidepost for you on your journey. A lot of these things are ways that the mind can really trip us up, and the ways that it can keep us in lack and negativity.
Doubt and Overthinking
A big one for me personally has always been doubt and overthinking so really worrying about everything. Questioning if something is the right decision to make, and overthinking every interaction or are big things that keep you stuck.
Not Having Certainty
Your mind may also want you to have certainty and be 100% sure. It will want you to keep looking for more information.
Hiding or Dimming Your Voice
It could be that you've been hiding your voice for a long time. It could be that you don’t speak up because you don’t want to make waves. It may be more comfortable to hide in the shadows. This then prevents you from sharing your thoughts, opinions and wisdom.
Feeling Like You Don’t Have a Purpose
And another big one can be feeling lost, feeling like you're looking for a purpose and you're not sure who you are, who you're supposed to be, where you're going, having a direction in life.
Pushing to Keep Up with Others
It can be that you're pushing and trying to keep up with others, even when you're tired, because you don’t want to miss out.
Not Feeling Worthy
You may feel that you can’t slow down because you need to prove yourself and what you’re capable of.
Holding onto Your Fears
You may be really holding on and clinging to the fears that you have, being scared of moving forward lots of times. Change can be very scary, especially for the unknown and how different it is. It really activates our nervous system in a different way and when you hold on to those fears too much, it can really keep you in place.
Worrying About What Other People Think
You could be worried about upsetting other people or worrying about what other people will think and allowing that to make you pause.
Feeling that You’re Not Where You Should Be
You could feel that you're behind and that you'll never really catch up. This can be that you’re telling yourself you should have already been somewhere and you're not there yet.
All of these things are ways that you may feel stuck and stay stuck. Finding yourself, finding your direction and making a decision on your next move (for whatever situation you're in) is really about how you navigate all of these types of scenarios.
Do you often worry and overthink?
Are you constantly seeking more information to be more certain?
Are you hiding your voice and not speaking up?
Do you feel that you don’t have a direction in life and don’t know what to do next?
Do you keep pushing yourself too far and overdoing it?
Are you trying to prove yourself in some way because you feel you’re not good enough?
Are you letting your fears stop you from trying new things?
Are you worrying too much about what other people think?
Do you feel pressure that you aren’t where you’re supposed to be?
How do you show up for yourself when you have these thoughts?
All of these things that I'm sharing exist on a spectrum. Some may resonate more than others. It's really about what are the things for you where you find yourself being stuck. The way to find more of yourself is to dig deeper into what keeps you stuck and release yourself from it.
The Secret to Finding Yourself and How to Get There
How can you take these reflections and look more at yourself? Because really, at the end of the day, finding yourself is an inward process. No one else is going to be able to find you for you. They may be able to be reflections and mirrors. Of course, we all are for each other, showing us things that are coming up in our lives. But at the end of the day, when you recognize and when you're able to see which things are holding you back, where you can look deeper into yourself, then you'll be able to take steps to make changes or make decisions for what you want to do next.
As adults, a lot of us have been conditioned to accept everything around us and hold on to other people's beliefs. This may come from our family, from childhood, and other experiences. Now is a time to question and figure out who you really are and what you really want out of life.
My intention with this is that it serves as a reminder for you to kind of take a look at where you are, take a look at the things that come up for you in your life and think about your next move. Where are the places that you can be curious about, what are the things that you can do to embrace and look further into or get support on. This is so you can really find what it is that you're looking for and peel back that next layer.
At the end of the day, we're peeling back these layers to find out more of who we truly are, and to find more joy, more peace, presence and alignment in our everyday life. There is a lot to discover in the letting go process and peeling back the layers of yourself.
Reminders on Your Journey to Finding Yourself Again
Here are some other reminders for you as you go through this process of finding yourself again.
Be Kind to Yourself, Be Vulnerable and Embrace Courage
Be kind to yourself and be gentle with yourself, because the journey to finding yourself again is a process. Being curious and doing these things and going down this journey of looking inward is not something that's easy. It can be very challenging. It can be very scary. It can feel daunting. Who wants to look at that stuff, right? Who wants to look at the things that hold them back? No one does, usually. That's why sometimes we might try to blame other people, or use situations and play the victim. If you're really looking at making the change for yourself, it's a process that requires vulnerability, a lot of courage and a lot of self love.
In this process, you’re showing up for yourself. No one can show up for you the way that you show up for yourself.
You will have ebbs and flows with all this. I personally believe that that process of finding yourself is a journey that we are always on for our whole lives, because we keep evolving and we keep growing. Unless we choose to stay where we are (which is completely ok too), it’s a constant process of evolution, growth and discovery.
This Process is Not Linear
There are a lot of ups and downs and lefts and right and it's not a linear process. It's not all in one direction. It's kind of more like a labyrinth, where you're weaving your way in and out of experiences. You might hit some dead ends and have to go backwards and then go a different direction. It's about loving yourself through that whole process and knowing that none of it lies outside of you.
None of it lies outside of you.
The secret to really finding yourself is all within you.
Find Joy in the Process
It's all about peeling back those layers, peeling back the onion, rediscovering yourself, and it takes a massive amount of courage. It takes time and it takes patience. It really helps if you try to find joy in parts of the process, so that it doesn't seem so daunting and so hard and so challenging, because it is really the game of life.
Finding Yourself Again with Tools and Resources to Support You
I do also have a few things to share to give you some ideas of how you start this inward journey, if you haven't already, or how you take it deeper and find the next thing that works for you.
Spend Time with Yourself
It starts with spending time with yourself. This does not mean spending time with yourself scrolling Instagram, which, trust me, I do my fair share of - so no judgment there. It's not spending time with yourself and your phone - it's without your phone and without distractions. It can be as simple as taking walks in nature (without your phone). It can be writing in a journal. I love The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron, she has a book and a journal that go together. She has what she calls artist’s dates, where you pick a day every month and you do something by yourself, for yourself. It may be going to a museum, going for a walk or eating at a new restaurant. The point is that you go and spend time with yourself, you date yourself, and you see the things that you love and like and don't love and don't like.
Oftentimes, when we’re in this process of trying to find ourselves again, it's because something within us felt lost. This becomes a process of putting the time in with yourself to find what’s within you.
Most people don’t want to spend time by themselves, especially in our society of having our attention being pulled 1000 different ways every single minute of the day. We're not used to sitting, we're not used to stillness, and we're not used to being in that quiet. It makes us restless a lot of the times and it can feel uncomfortable. There is nothing wrong with sitting on the couch and watching TV, but that is not the same thing as giving yourself time with yourself. TV is something turns off your brain-body connection because you're focused on something else. This process is about hearing your own thoughts, seeing what comes up within you and being curious about that.
Listen to and Connect with Your Body
Another piece of it is connecting and listening to your body. This can be done via activities such as yoga, meditation, breath work or body tapping. There are so many options. When I make suggestions to clients, I like to have them kind of come up with their own ideas first, and we work through them because it has to be things that you're willing to do. These are some ideas to get you started.
It’s easy to find reasons why you don’t want to do something when someone else suggests it. So it’s important to choose for yourself. Consider these ideas as a starting point for yourself and see what feels good to you.
Human Design & The Herrmann Brain Dominance Instrument®
Human Design is a great tool when you’re looking to find yourself again. I covered some basics on Human Design that you can find here.
Human Design is a great tool because it's a blueprint that shows you who you came here to be. It shares so much about how your energy operates. Then, it's your choice if you try to experiment with it. It shows you a lot of things about energy - where you have consistent energy, where you don't, where you may feel some of mind tricks that make you doubt yourself and feel less than others.
I also work with the Hermann Brain Dominance Instrument which measures thinking preferences. This is a great tool for anyone that is data driven and wants to see how their brain works in terms of quadrants.
It’s important to remember that these are tools. They are not the be all, end all. They are not telling you, this is who you absolutely have to be in any way, shape or form. It's giving you some data and direction that you can choose to use, be curious about and experiment with.
It's not to say that you are XYZ and you have to be ABC. It's a tool that supports your discovery process. These tools can help you to have more clarity around certain aspects in your life.
In Summary
Any of the things that I just mentioned about spending time with yourself, about connecting with and listening to your body, or using tools to support you, are all different areas that you can go to and experiment with. They will help you to unlock that next layer within you. These tools and activities will help you get clearer on your direction. It will help you get clearer on where you're going, what you're building, and how you want to build it.
It's important to know that clarity comes from within you. When you spend time with yourself you will get more clarity in your life.
Spending time with yourself lessons the outside noise from others so that you can find hobbies that you love and things that you really actually enjoy doing. If you’re looking to change careers, the alone time can help you to learn more about what you might like to do instead. Finding yourself again means that you need to know more about yourself first.
I truly, truly hope that this information found its way to you to be helpful in your own life, for wherever you are right now. Finding yourself again is a process. It is not a one and done. The secret really, is that it's all within you. You already have it in there. It's just a matter of unlocking it bit by bit and taking it one step at a time. Wherever you are on the journey, please know that I'm here with you.
If you want support on your journey, I'd be honored to work with you. You can reach out anytime. I offer Human Design readings so that you can learn more about your own energy and how you operate. I also offer Voxer coaching, which is great for people that are on the go and want real time, customized support and guidance. It’s about meeting you where you are right now and what you're going through. You can message me on Voxer (@ maryclavieres) if you’d like to chat or if you have any questions.
I wish you a wonderful rest of your day. Thank you so much for being here and I will see you next week.
OTHER EPISODES YOU MAY ENJOY:
#60: A 7-Step Framework for Living an Aligned Life
#63: The Power of Your Mind (The Power Series)
#64: What Is Your Body Telling You (The Power Series)
#65: Are you connected to your highest self? (The Power Series)
#66: How to Get the Results You Want in Your Life (The Power Series)
