#84: What is Self Responsibility
What is self responsibility and how can you use it to change your life? Today, I want to talk about the topic of self responsibility. You may have also heard of it as personal responsibility, or in some cases, people use the terminology radical responsibility. This principle is around really taking a look at the Self and what you can control in your life.
My work is mainly focused on mind body connection and how people can improve and change their lives by activating their mind body connection and looking at their life in a different way. Part of what that entails, is also looking at the self and looking at yourself through a different lens, likely differently than how you have been seeing things in the past.
Self Responsibility as a Foundation for Personal Growth
If we really want to do something different and make some type of change, we have to be willing to try different things and be open to different experiences. Something has to change, otherwise, we won't change. Part of looking at all of that is the self, and I really believe it's one of the foundational pieces. It's the building block that everything else grows from, because it focuses on taking a look at how you operate, how you treat yourself, how you take care of yourself, and how you love yourself. Along with all of those things, it is also about looking at how you take responsibility in your life for what you do, how you show up, the part that you play in your relationships, the part that you play in your work and all the different areas of your life.
Self responsibility is looking at all of the different areas of your life and taking ownership so that you’re able to make changes going forward. It is looking at yourself to see where are the places you can change and the places you can grow. It is also about being realistic with how you're showing up in the world right now. Do you have a clear handle on what that is, or do you sometimes fall into playing the victim, falling into drama triangles, blaming other people, or perhaps blaming the situation and the circumstance.
This is not to say that there aren't other factors at play. There's a lot of complexity in the world with a lot of things. Privilege exists and there are circumstances that people have that are more challenging than others.
Self Responsibility and What is Within Your Control
The self responsibility that I'm speaking about here is really related to what's within your locus of control. What can you control within your life? A lot of people walk around life feeling that they don't have a lot of control. They don't recognize how much control they really do have over their lives.
Self responsibility is a way that you can awaken to and recognize that control that you do have because you don't have to go do a certain thing because someone told you to, or you don't have to react a certain way, you know, oh, they made me do it, or they made me so mad, and it doesn't have to be like that. This is meant to bring awareness to it for you so that you can start taking look at how you're interacting with life. From there, you can start taking a look at how you're showing up and determine, is this what's best for you.
You can ask yourself the following questions to reflect on your own Self Responsibility:
Am I in control of how I'm showing up?
Am I taking responsibility for my actions and for my efforts?
If not, what are the ways that I can start to shift that?
What are the things that I can get curious about to try to make changes in my life?
Self responsibility is really taking a look at all of it. It’s about making an assessment of where you are right now, and understanding what factors are at play.
Self Responsibility while Adopting an Observer Mindset
Something that I really like to associate and use with self responsibility is adopting an observer mindset.
It's great to adopt a perspective that's more of the observer. If you were to look at your own life from the outside and pull back, you’d be looking at yourself from a different perspective. This would be like if you were a third party looking at yourself.
How would you see yourself in that light?
Every situation and experience we have, has multiple sides to it - different perspectives of the different people that are involved, along with your own perspective plus the neutral observer perspective that's watching the whole thing. If you can try to step out of the situation, give yourself space from it and look at it from the observer, it will allow you to see things in a different way.
If you're really going to take a look at where things can change for you, get honest and ask yourself these questions while keeping the observer perspective in mind:
Where do you have to take more responsibility?
Where can you stop playing the victim?
Where can you stop blaming others?
How did you show up in that situation?
What could you have done differently?
You don’t always have to change your mind once you observe things from a different point of view, but a lot of the times, more often than not, you can start to have a different perspective about the situation by looking at it from that outside angle, and so adopting that observer mindset is something that can really help you in starting off on this journey of self responsibility, taking more responsibility for your actions and holding yourself accountable.
It's about holding yourself accountable so that you can stay on your path of achieving your dreams, stay in alignment to who you really are, and work from that place, because all of the stuff - whenever you blame or you play the victim, or you do these other things, all of that keeps you where you are. It keeps you stuck where you are for a variety of reasons. It keeps you in a lower vibration and it keeps you enveloped in negativity. It also keeps you from seeing that you can take action and that you can do something different for yourself, and that you can do something to change your situation.
At the end of the day, the self is responsible for the self, and there are a lot of a lot of different things that you can do for yourself to help change your situation. It's really recognizing that as a possibility instead of staying in the blame game.
I wanted to highlight this here, because it really is a foundational, critical piece of personal transformation, personal development and the self help space, to really say, hey, what am I doing in my situation, and how, how am I contributing to it? And how can I change that? That's what you want to take a look at.
I invite you to take a look at that for yourself to see, are you taking responsibility for yourself for your actions, for the situation that you're in, or are you not? If you're not, where are you where and what are you doing. Then, ask yourself, how can you possibly change that? How can you shift that to start looking at it with more responsibility.
This is something that I work with people on a lot because it can be hard to see it for yourself sometimes. That's why it kind of takes practice to imagine yourself as the observer. But really, when you start to do that and start to look at it from that neutral place, you'll be able to see, oh, yeah, maybe I contributed here in a certain way, or maybe I could have done that differently.
It’s also important to mention that this isn’t about blaming yourself. You don't want to turn this around and instead of blaming everyone else, you're blaming yourself. It's not about that. The blame will keep you stuck. It's about observing it, recognizing it, understanding it, and honoring it. Then, seeing how you can move forward from it and choosing to take a different action from it instead of just wallowing and then blaming yourself and staying stuck to say, Oh, well, it's all my fault and I can't do anything right. You won't make progress if you blame yourself. It doesn't serve anyone, it doesn't serve you or anyone else to think that way. Keep that in mind, so that you don't switch for a different type of stuckness.
Conclusion
I invite you to take a look and explore and see where the areas that you can maybe make some changes, or become more of the observer for your own life. See how it feels and what may come from it. There is a process to all of this, and again, it starts with the self.
You may want to jot down, day by day, different things that you learn and observe, so that you can see over time how things are working out for you. Understanding self responsibility, seeing where you may be the observer or you may not be, practicing that observer mindset, and then making your path by choosing different actions to go with it is how you can start to shift your life in new ways.
I hope this episode was helpful for you in some way, for where you are right now. It's really so foundational to a lot of the other work if you're looking to make changes in your life. This can be a very, very powerful tool and a powerful framework to start to adopt in your life.
If you’d like to connect further about self responsibility or something else related to your personal development journey, please feel free to reach out. I'm on LinkedIn and Instagram. I'm also on Voxer at @MaryClavieres.
If you want support with where you are right now, I'd be honored to work with you. You’re invited to check out my Human Design readings so that you can learn more about your own energy and how you operate. This tool is a powerful building block for understanding the Self in a different way. From there, you can also learn about Voxer coaching, which is great for people that are on the go and want real time, customized support and guidance. It’s about meeting you where you are right now and what you're going through. You can message me on Voxer (@ maryclavieres) if you’d like to chat or if you have any questions.
Thank you so much for being here. I so appreciate your time and your presence, spending it here with me, and I'll speak to you next week.
Other Episodes You May Enjoy:
#77: The Secret to Finding Yourself Again
#79: You Are Where You Need to Be
#81: How to Stop Hiding from Yourself and Reclaim Your Power with Elizabeth Guilbeault
#82: 3 Easy Ways to Love Yourself a Little More Every Day
