#1: Finding Yourself Again - Mary’s Story
Introduction to Find Yourself, Change Your Life
Welcome to this new podcast and this new show where we'll be covering a variety of things, all related to how you can change your life with tools and tips and pieces of information and pockets of wisdom to support you in that process. I am of the mindset that change can feel scary, yes, and there can be times where we have to go through big changes to get somewhere else in our life. And yet, change can also be interesting and fun and easy, while also being in the small moments. So it doesn't always have to be those big moments. Change can really happen in the small tweaks and how you show up day in and day out.
My hope is that this podcast is a place where you can find some inspiration, take it as you would like, and adapt it to your life, so you can try new things in your own life. It is really up to you, at the end of the day, how much you want to change, what you're willing to try or do differently. I'm here as a as a way to support you. Whatever you need, whatever types of questions you have, I'd love to hear them from you along the way, so please reach out. I'll leave all my contact information in the show notes, and really, just to say that I'm really excited for us to take this journey together, and I'm really, really happy that you're here. Thank you for tuning in.
For today's episode, we're going to talk about finding yourself again. I'm going to share a little bit of my story, to give you an idea of who I am, what I'm doing here, why I'm doing this podcast. Hopefully it will allow you to reflect a little bit on your own life and where you are right now. I'll have a little prompt at the end that could be considered a piece of homework, if you will, that will be here to also support you wherever you're at.
I mentioned at the beginning that there can be big changes and also small changes that you make. In this episode, I'm going to talk about a few of those big changes, those big life changing moments, and how they impacted me as a way that led me to finding myself again.
Finding Yourself Again Through Motherhood and Parenting
The first one is around the birth of my first daughter. If you have children, you may also find that that is a turning point in your life in some way, because for me, at least, it was something that forever changed me for the better, of course. I usually say it's the hardest and best thing I've ever done was to become a mom. I had a high risk pregnancy, a long labor, and my daughter was in the NICU for a few days, so it was a really it felt like a really long process in a lot of ways, and I didn't necessarily know what I was in for, but in the end, everything did work out. She is healthy and thriving, and I am very grateful for that. But just to say that that time in my life, especially the postpartum period, for me was really challenging, because I felt like I really lost myself in becoming a mom. I was really obsessed with worrying about my daughter. Looking back, I'm sure I had undiagnosed postpartum depression. Probably a lot of women have that to varying degrees. I had my daughter in the middle of winter. It was a very snowy winter in New Jersey that year, so I really could not get outside much. The days were dark and cold and icy and all of the things, and it really didn't support my mood or my mental health at the time, for sure. This was something that, looking back, I can see very differently, but it also led to a lot of really beauty and wonderful things.
One of the wonderful things that happened after the birth of my daughter was that I started my product business. I had an emergency C section, and I got those really super stretchy, comfortable underwear in the hospital. The they look like granny panties, and they go up and over your midsection. They don't put pressure on your incision area or anything. One of my friends told me to steal them from the hospital, because you won't be able to find them anywhere after and you'll need them for your recovery. The hospital did give me extras. I have since heard that some hospitals do not give you extra, and they're pretty stingy with it, which is sad to me. I got extras, took them home, and then I eventually ran out, and still I wished I could have them. I got mad and frustrated and upset for women that we don't have the supplies that we need for our postpartum recovery. I really thought, why can't these be available? They're in the hospital. Why can't we also have them?
It started me in this process of finding suppliers and bringing a product to market, which is a really wild thing to do in some ways. I had a full time job in corporate, and my background is in manufacturing. I'm an engineer by degree, and then worked in various things around change and transformation over my 15 or so years in corporate and in from all of that. So I had some ideas of where I could go and what I could do to try to bring this product to market.
I ran with those ideas and just took it one step at a time. I eventually formed a company called Brief Transitions, and I sold postpartum mesh underwear for women to have after childbirth or after surgeries of any kind. I got a lot of feedback that there were a lot of women that were really appreciative to have this type of product available to consumers. That was a big thing that came out of having a baby, and then from there, I eventually left my corporate job.
Finding Yourself Again Through Career Changes – Leaving Corporate for Entrepreneurship
Leaving my corporate job was another turning point for me. Brief Transitions was growing, and I had to travel a lot for my corporate job. By then, I had a second daughter, which was night and day in terms of the pregnancy, the birth, the recovery, etc. She was born in July. It makes a huge difference when you can get outside and see way more sunshine. There was a lot to the second pregnancy and birth that that felt so much better to me, but at that point, with my corporate job, I was traveling a lot. There was a month where I was gone three weeks out of the month. It became too much. And I said, what, what am I doing here? It wasn't fitting for me anymore, and this is one of those times that it can feel scary to make such a big change and to leave the “security” of a job. I'll use air quotes there, because really you can also be let go anytime, most of the time, especially in the US.
I talked it over with my husband many times, but what really helped me decide to do something else was that I started to get physically ill, actually, from the stress. I woke up one day with really severe pain in my mouth, wondering, what is happening? It felt like all my teeth were going to fall out and I had to actually go to the dentist. I made an emergency dental appointment, which I've never had to do before, and had them check my teeth. I really I woke up and went running to the mirror that morning, thinking, what is what is wrong with my teeth? Well, turns out I had been grinding my teeth for probably a long time without knowing, because when you sleep, you don't realize, and that is a sign of stress. Of course, a lot of stress going on in the body. And I just I realized that, okay, this is not working in this way anymore. Something has to be done. Brief Transitions was growing, and I was feeling more secure in making the leap. My husband and I talked about it, made some plans around it, and I eventually did give my notice and I left. I remember April 30 was my last day. April 30, 2018, and it's funny, the things you remember afterwards. So that was a big turning point for me to become an entrepreneur and to really be showing up and working for myself and working very differently.
I always stayed a little bit in the consulting realm, so I had Brief Transitions, but I also did leadership development, some project work, also, because I worked a lot in project management, and that kind of changed over time and evolved and ebbed and flowed. Now I do more Executive Advisory and leadership development coaching, but at the time, it just looked a little bit different for me.
There are the big moments, like having the baby, and then there are the small moments that are the things, like taking the steps, finding a supplier, deciding on your packaging, figuring out how to import product, etc.
It was same with thing with being able to leave corporate. There was all the discomfort around how I was showing up, or what I had to do in my work, and then there was also the realization around my own health that allowed me and forced me, in some ways, to have the conversations.
There are the big moments, and there are also the small moments that impact you.
Finding Yourself Again Through Moving from the US to France
The third story that I want to share around all of this, in terms of change, was when my family moved from New Jersey to France. My husband got a new job and we relocated. He is French, so I always had a thought or an idea that maybe one day we would move to France. The two of us had actually met in Belgium years before, when I had a work assignment and he also had a work assignment. It was always a possibility to move, but we didn't know when, and it wasn't really on my radar so much. In 2022 we moved to France with our two girls, and it's a really big adjustment to move to a different country, especially where English is not the first language. Yes, I speak French, although when we first moved here, my French was not as strong and I did not feel comfortable doing a lot of things. I felt stress every time I went somewhere to do something, because I'd wonder, are they going to understand me, what about my accent, and do I know how to say this. That’s another time where it was really such a big change, and also it was about the little moments and showing up. It was impotant to celebrate - I went to a new community event and I met some people, or I joined a coffee meetup or to meet some new people, or I met other families at the girls’ school, or I did an errand by myself. I eventually got my driver's license here. It’s a big undertaking to take the driving test here. You have to do an online test and a road test, all in French. All of those different milestones were part of the day to day of making changes in my life and over these years, doing these things to find myself, especially since we moved to France.
It was a little bit lonely in some ways, but it really gave me some space to find more of myself, rediscover things for myself, look at how I want to show up for myself, how I want to show up for others, etc.
I can say, three years later, I'm really grateful that we were able to do this and have this move, because it has changed a lot of the way I see the world. Now, I'm not saying that you need to make a big international move in order to change something in your life. Like I mentioned, it's the big moments and it's also the small moments. That's a lot of what we’ll cover on this podcast, because there are those big things that push our hand, but there are also those little things that we can choose how we show up. In my mind, that is more important, because that is more of how you're living life. It's in the day to day moments.
The Small and Big Changes that Lead to Finding Yourself Again
Those three different areas and milestones for me had a big impact on how I showed up in the world. I kind of lost myself a bit in the whole process with becoming a mom. Found some of it back with my career and starting a business and then eventually growing into other things. When we moved to France, I did close Brief Transitions. It proved complicated for me to run and actually not aligned to where I was anymore. Then I went more into my consulting, Executive Advisory, leadership development, and personal development work. Working with people in a capacity of supporting them through changes in their lives is most of the work that I do now, which I love, love, love.
There have been a lot of shifts and changes and transitions in different ways, and all of this to kind of share with you that this is a process. Life is a process, and also finding yourself again is a process. Hindsight is 2020 so I can see the losing of myself, and then the exploration and the finding pieces of myself again, which I think will be an ever evolving journey, because we're able to go deeper and deeper into discovering who we are to the depth we so choose.
All of that to say, I am no different from you listening to this. I did not necessarily plan these things or plan them in a certain way. I just showed up for myself and started to show up for myself more and more. I reflected on what that would mean to me and my journey, and how I could make changes that I wanted to make and what did it look like for me? What did I want to have in my life? How did I want to show up for my kids and my family and myself in the process?
This podcast is going to be all about practical tools and tips, things that you can really use and apply in your life in different ways and test and try out if that's something that feels good to you. I will never be someone to say you have to do it a certain way. We are all unique beings. We are all incredibly different. What works for me might not work for you, or vice versa. I'm all about putting it all out there, giving you lots of different options, and then you pick and choose what could work for you. So that's a little bit of what you can expect on the podcast, along with a little bit of my background and story. I'll share some things as we go about living in France. It's been really interesting and fun in a lot of ways and challenging in other ways. I find that people like to like to listen to that or hear some of those stories too.
Finding Yourself Again Reflection Activity
I will leave you with this little bit of homework. It's a prompt for you to reflect on.
I invite you to reflect on some of the big moments in your life, some of the big changes, big transitions or transformations, and also the small moments that were around them.
What worked and what didn't?
How did you show up for yourself?
How did things go versus how you expected them to?
Take a look at how far you've come. This is not meant to be an exercise that's filled with regret. It's really about what are some of the low lights and the highlights, along with how you persevered and what you did to make changes, and how you showed up for yourself in some way. I personally don't think we ever give ourselves enough credit for showing up and it's important to give yourself credit for that.
That's the homework for this week. Take a look and just reflect on how far you've come and maybe feel into also where you're going, or where you'd like to go from here. You’ll be able to tie that in as you listen to future episodes.
Conclusion on Finding Yourself Again
Remember, change happens in both the big moments and the small moments. Be kind to yourself as you navigate this process.
If you’d like to connect further about unlocking the next step in your personal development journey, please feel free to reach out. I'm on LinkedIn and Instagram. I'm also on Voxer at @MaryClavieres.
If you want support with where you are right now, I'd be honored to work with you. You’re invited to check out my Human Design readings so that you can learn more about your own energy and how you operate. This tool is a powerful building block that will allow you to live life with less stress and more peace.
Thank you so much for today. If you feel called, I invite you to share this episode with a friend or a loved one, if it may help them with where they are. Please leave a rating and review, subscribe and follow along, so that you'll get all the updates.
Thank you so much for your support. I deeply, deeply appreciate it, and I'm so excited to take this journey with you. I will speak to you again next week.
